Gadling

Dear Heather

You said your husband travels over 100,000 miles per year, and you are spending January away from home. Isn't that hard on your child? I think I'd find a career that kept me home more often.

DJ

Dear DJ,

Two weeks ago I found myself commuting home in first class sitting next to a seventeen year-old boy on a flight from New York to Los Angeles. "Are you going to LA on vacation?" I asked him.

"No, I'm going to Sydney, Australia. I'm just connecting through Los Angeles," he said as he took a bite of ice cream covered in hot fudge.

I looked around the cabin for his parents, but there were no parent-y looking people sitting nearby "Are you going there alone?"

"Yeah. I have friends there."

"Wow," I said, because not only had I never traveled overseas until I began working international routes in 1998 at the age of twenty-six, I still haven't been to Australia, a place I'm dying to visit one day. "I'm really impressed," I added.

He smiled. "My dad's a Captain."

And there you have it, ladies and gentleman, the benefits of being the child of an airline employee. Something tells me that the kid I sat next to in first class, the one eating an ice cream sundae who was on his way to meet friends in Australia is not complaining about the fact that his father worked a job that took him away from home. Though I could be wrong.

Heather Poole, Gadling's very own flight attendant who knows the moves to take care of herself and everyone else on a loaded plane, brought this China Daily article to our attention. In China, a flight attendant who two guys had kidnapped, got away by using the anti-hijacking techniques she learned in flight attendant training.

The attendant, an employee of Shanghai Airlines, learned -- in preparation for the Beijing Olympics -- how to stay calm, act obedient, keep the kidnappers engaged, discretely untie a rope, and make a run for it when the kidnappers weren't paying attention to her. According to the story, one of the men got into her car at a green light and forced her to pick up another man at a different location.

They took her bank card and her pin number. Her quick thinking probably saved her life. It turns out that, last July, these two guys killed a woman motorist they had kidnapped. This was discovered after she told the police what had happened and they were able to apprehend this pair.

As this story points out, one that is corroborated by Heather's Galley Gossip post on recurrent flight attendant training, flight attendants know the moves that make a difference in air travel. Maybe their theme song ought to be "Kung Fu Fighting." Everyone knows Kung Fu fighting, fast as lightening ... although in this case, rope skills and calm were the key ingredients.

"When he walked aboard the flight the first thing I saw were the boots, and then the cool jeans and long blond hair. He didn't wear any makeup and his skin was clear and soft, a beautiful complexion. Then I noticed the bluest eyes I've ever seen. We were flying from Orlando to Los Angeles, I think," said my mother, who is also a flight attendant for the same U.S airline that I work for.

"I remember thinking to myself when he walked past me to his first class seat, Oh no, this is going to be a difficult flight. Because of the rock-n-roll connection. I don't like trouble on my flights," my mother added rather sternly.

"How did you know it was him?" I asked as I plopped down beside her on the sofa in the crashpad. Together we sat side by side watching him, the guy wearing the cool jeans and the long blond hair, on television.

"I just knew. Maybe it was the bandanna," she said.

My mother was talking about Bret Michaels, of course, star of the reality TV show Rock of Love Bus on VH1.

So what do two flight attendants who are both on reserve at the same time do when they're waiting for crew schedule to call and send them who-knows-where at a moments notice? They watch TV, and I mean a lot of TV. Me, I like the reality shows. I'm not afraid to admit it. My mom, she likes to watch the weather channel and Fox news. So imagine my surprise when I came home from a horrendous two-day trip, a trip that I'll be writing about soon, and found my mother - my mother! - sitting on the sofa and watching Rock of Love Bus.

January 4, 2009 was a very sad day on Broadway in New York City. While it is said that all good things must come to an end, does that really have to include the critically acclaimed Broadway show, Boeing Boeing? I mean this was one trip I didn't want to end. Ever! But when the doors finally closed and the lights went to black, I was there (along with a full house) to say Buh-bye to an era of glamour and excitement so many people love to recall.

In the comedy, which is based on the movie of the same name (staring Tony Curtis and Jerry Lewis), an American architect living in Paris is juggling three flight attendants - I mean air hostesses - all of whom are his fiancee. How can one man juggle three different women? Easy. You make sure each woman is a stewardess from a different airline - Lufthansa, Alitalia, and TWA. Then you consult a timetable as if it were a bible, marking down each woman's scheduled layover. Of course to make it run smoothly you must employ an overworked and disgruntled housekeeper who acts more like an air traffic controller. But when an old school chum comes into town things are turned upside down. As most of you know, schedules change and flights get delayed, resulting in turbulent chaos. That's where the fun began.

While the simple set never changed, the talented cast took the audience on a fun filled ride. In fact, it was so much fun that I was barely conscious of the guy rustling a paper bag full of who knows what in my ear, or that my knees were practically under my chin, and that I could barely move my feet because the seating was so tight - much like a cramped middle seat in coach. Not to mention I purchased the cheap tickets that put me near the ceiling of the intimate, but ornate, Longacre theater, a beautiful theater that was built in 1913.

Gallery: Galley Gossip: Boeing Boeing

They always look a little surprised when I say, "Not much. Just hanging out at home and making my famous spicy blacked eyed peas."

"You're not going out?"

"Nope. I never go out. Usually I'm working," I say because I am, usually working.

"Really?"

"Really." And that's a good thing! Trust me

This year, unlike other years, I plan to stay home and celebrate quietly with my family. Because in three days I'll be on reserve, which means that except for a few scheduled days off, I'll be on-call to the company 24/7 for the entire month of January. I'll be stuck in New York where I work, not in California where I live, which is why I'm trying to make the most of what little family time I have left before packing my bags and heading back to work on the 3rd. Don't worry, you'll get to hear all about my time waiting around at my crash-pad for crew schedule to call and send me who knows where at a moments notice. It's not fun.

In the past I've always bid to work New Year's Eve, because most times when you bid to work one holiday in December you can usually get the other, more important, holiday off - Christmas. However, even though I'm working on such a festive night, I've been fortunate enough (a few years) to descend into Kennedy or La Guardia airport just at the right time. There's nothing like being in that dark, quiet, cabin, everyone so still and content, the lights of the city twinkling on the ground beneath us, when the Captain or a flight attendant makes the announcement I've been waiting for all night.

"Happy New Year!"

Gallery: Galley Gossip: My San Francisco Trip

Recently I read an interesting article in the New York Times, Up, Up, and Go Away, about an ex flight attendant who worked for TWA in the 1970's when flight attendants were known as stewardesses and stewardesses were as glamorous as movie stars and passengers were treated like royalty and flying was..well...just better - in every way possible! The stewardess featured in the article above wrote about a recent flight she took from Miami to Charlotte and the lack of customer service onboard the airplane, on the ground, as well as the downfall of flying in general.

She wrote...

I have experienced the decline of service along with the rest of the flying public. But I believe I have felt it more acutely because I remember the days when to fly was to soar. The airlines, and their employees, took pride in how their passengers were treated. A friend who flew for Pan Am and I have a friendly rivalry over which airline was better. Friendly, yes. But we each believe we worked for the best.

Well that's funny because I think I work for the best airline, and that's an airline that's still in business. And for the record, I, too, take pride in my job, as well as the way I treat my passengers, and this is during a time when passengers bash airlines for sport. Hey, times have changed. Flight attendants have changed. Passengers have changed. Technology has changed. Every single thing has changed. Has it not?

She wrote...

Airlines offer valid excuses for cutting back service. But what are they gaining when passengers leave a flight disgruntled, mistreated and hungry? It is surprising how easy it is to please passengers. Cereal and lots of coffee in the morning can do wonders for someone who had to leave home at 4 a.m. Pretzels and peanuts handed out with drinks make a difference in an era of flight cancellations and long security lines.

Much like most memories, one tends to romanticize the past. I, too, worked when flight attendants handed out wings, playing cards and magazines, back when we had all the pillows and blankets a passenger could desire. I also served cereal as well as pretzels and three dinner choices - in coach - and trust me when I tell you just as many passengers complained about the service then as they do now.

"This is nothing but garbage!" one passenger shouted at me when I placed the penne pasta on the tray table in front of her. This happened in coach over ten years ago.

"Is this all you have?" is another response I heard often back in the day.

So what does a flight attendant do when the flights are packed, the weather is bad, and she has to work on Christmas Day? She plans a quick excursion into New York City to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center! There's nothing like the beauty of the lights and the sights and sounds, combined with the world famous Rockette's Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall to get into the spirit of the holiday season. Wishing everyone peace, health, and happiness for the holiday season and the coming new year.

Gallery: Galley Gossip: Christmas in New York

Here it is, what you've been waiting for, my 2008 list of holiday gifts for that special flight attendant (or frequent flier) in your life...

1. STARBUCKS GIFT CARD - Because there's a Starbucks in every city - and every airport. Most travelers I know can't start the day without a good cup of coffee. Note I said good. The coffee on the airplane is not good, and you know it, so don't act surprised when I pour you a cup. It doesn't matter which airline you fly or whether the flight attendant double bagged it or not (double bagging is the act of leaving an extra coffee packet in the bottom of the pot), it's just not good and that's not the way to start your day. Last year my mother bought me a $100 gift card and I'm still using it, and I'm always glad to have it on those early morning and late night departures.

2. HAND LOTION - Do you find yourself washing those hands with soap and water in the airplane lavatory quite often? That explains why your beautiful hands have aged 20 years in the last few hours. Moisturization is key at 35,000 feet. I don't know a flight attendant who doesn't carry a fruity smelling antibacterial hand lotion. Me, I prefer anything with Shea butter.

3. BUBBLE BATH - When you spend your days cramped inside a germ infested flying petri dish, and your nights showering in nasty ankle deep water at your hotel, there's nothing better than a nice hot bubble bath at home to wash it all away. My bubble bath of choice is Milk Bath, by Fresh. Add the matching soap and lotion, as well as a candle, and you've got yourself one happy flight attendant. Remember, when your flight attendant is happy you're happy.

Dear Heather,

I know this is really random and weird, but I'm a Jr in high school and we were given an assignment to write a research paper over a job that we would like to do once we graduate and I have become very interested in becoming a flight attendant. Anyway part of the assignment is to interview someone that does the job we would like to do. It's been very hard trying to find someone that is a flight attendant. Well I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions...

Dear Lacy,

I'd love to help you with your research paper and thank you for including me. When you're finished, can I take a peek at what you wrote? Oh and if you, or anyone else, have any other questions please feel free to ask!

How long have you been working at your job: I've been working for a major US carrier for fourteen years. Before I began working for my current employer, I worked three months for a low cost carrier called Sun Jet International Airlines, an airline that is no longer in business. I've even done a little corporate flying on a GV (gulfstream) owned by Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks basketball team, which was actually purchased over the internet for $41 million, the largest internet purchase ever made. Talk about an amazing experience. My jumpseat alone was something to write home about.

What kind of training / education is required to do your job: It depends on the airline. However, I do not know many flight attendants who do not have a college education. Even with a 30% pay cut, longer duty days, and shorter layovers, all of which happened after 9/11, the job is still a highly competitive one to obtain. That means if you want to work for a major carrier your best bet is to go to college and get a degree.

I never realized how much people actually disliked traveling until I started writing for Gadling. Well the next time you have to travel, don't despair. It's not all bad. Not if you're single that is. In fact, if you are single, it can be a lot of fun. Real fun! How do I know? Because recently I read an interesting article about looking for love at the airport, which I think is a fabulous idea. I did it. Why not you? I succeeded. You could too!

So what if I really found the love of my life on the airplane, same thing! I believe so strongly in finding love while traveling, I've even instructed quite a few of my single flight attendant and agent friends to look for love at the airport and on the airplane. Forget online dating. That's old school. The airport is where it's at. Where else can you find men, all kinds of men, lots and lots of men (and women) just standing around waiting for something good to happen. Think about it, you could be that good thing. I'm talking about an endless supply of diverse and interesting people here with nothing to do but wait - for you! Don't see what you like, sit tight, a new flight will be boarding or deplaning soon.

Once you're on the flight, make sure to check out those seated around you. Whatever you do, don't forget about the ones working behind the drink cart. Hey, flight attendants need a little love, too! Seriously, the flight doesn't have to be miserable. It's all up to you. Just say hello. To someone. Anyone. NOW!

In the article I mentioned above, "Sally" suggests grabbing an E seat. Oh I know what you're thinking, there's no way, no freakin way you're going to sit in a middle seat. Hey I don't blame you, it's the worst seat on the airplane! But not when you're sandwiched between two hotties.

Here's what Sally suggests..

"If you're single and looking and really in the mood, there's one great way to meet people on a plane. You fly Southwest. Make sure to board with the last group, which means you'll probably be stuck in a middle seat. Then you walk down the aisle looking for a middle seat next to a really hot guy. Done."